Why did you stop?
I hate that question and it's the one I've heard most in my life.
Exactly six months ago on October 23, 2023 I left my corporate job and embarked on a journey to take control of my fate. That same day I walked out of my office for the last time and recorded the first episode of the Brave New Normal podcast.
It was the most liberated I've ever felt, and I sensed I was finally on the path God intended for me. I thought it would take years to build into what the podcast became within weeks. In three short months I spoke to Naomi Wolf, Robert Malone, Bret Weinstein and a long list of other brilliant people.
These were all guests I reached out to on my own with zero expectation in receiving a response. My idea was to ask everyone I was interested in speaking with no matter how large or small their following. Ironically, all of my wish list guests said yes, and all of the people who were in my immediate orbit gave me the run around.
During that time I wrote some of the best essays in my twenty some odd years of scribbling out my thoughts. The response to my writing was even greater than the podcast with many of my essays gaining millions of reads across X and other platforms. As somebody who’d routinely have no more than a handful of people reading my work, the reality that millions were now reading it was both incredibly humbling and mind boggling at the same time.
On New Year's Eve 2023 my face turned bright red and swole up like a balloon. Many of you who've watched the podcast may have noticed that my face has appeared rashy and swollen at times. It took months for me to find a competent dermatologist, who in turn had my blood tested for lymphoma and leukemia because the symptoms I was exhibiting were far worse than anything he had seen previously.
I'm elated to say my blood tests showed I'm in perfect health. The cause of the redness and swelling was an extreme case of rosacea brought on by an equally extreme period of stress.
Although these last six months have been the happiest time of my life, financially it's been difficult. The podcast and writing haven't brought in enough money for me to support my family and I've drained my savings in an effort to keep everything going. Recently I took on a side hustle to earn some extra money during my downtime and briefly I watched hope appear on the horizon.
But then today, exactly six months from the day I started along this path, my car was clipped by a passing vehicle as I was pulling out of a parking space. I wasn't injured in the collision, thankfully, but my car isn't driveable. I needed that car to earn a living and now that lifeline is gone.
I've never felt so utterly defeated. As much as I want to continue producing the podcast and writing these essays, I have a family to provide for and they come first above all.
Now I find myself at a crossroads, and unless a miracle happens I'll have to return to the corporate world full time. This won't mean the end of the podcast or my writing, but if I can't find a way out of this black hole that's sucking me in, my creative output and the conversations I have on my podcast will slow significantly.
I've been down this road before. First it slows, then it stops. There are only so many hours in a day, and so much energy the human body is capable of generating. Eventually I hit a wall and my responsibilities overtake my dreams. The podcast itself is an all day, everyday grind. The hour or so you listen while exercising or at work requires twenty times the amount of editing and promoting in the background. As it stands, I barely find time to write amongst it all.
This is by no means a plea for charity or sympathy. I knew the risks when I jumped into this. I guess I'm just writing it all out because it's like therapy in a way- and I'm sharing it because I want you all to know that there are real people behind the content you consume. To many of you I'm just words and images in a newsfeed or text and video on a platform. But I'm a man- with children, and a wife, and bills, and a future to consider. I'm flesh and blood like all of you and today I got my ass kicked.
Thanks for reading and hopefully this isn't the end.
I'm very concerned with your current situation. Can your vehicle insurance help you get a rental while your car is getting repaired? How about the vehicle that hit you, did it stop or just drove away?
As a fellow writer on substack who has been struggling, and have only a few subscribers, I can understand how hard these things can hit. And I have no advice save this: we each find our own way. We each decide, sometimes minute by minute, whether to go on with what we are doing. I recall Hunter S. Thompson hawking his typewriter for the umpteenth time, his friends and publishers urging him to get that typewriter back and keep going. I have one person who encourages me to keep going and that's more than enough for the moment. By the by, much enjoy your Rosco pieces on X. Love it, heavy metal loving chef with a heart of gold.